Drowning in her Tears
by DancingWithMRBrownstone
Summary: When everyone knows that someone is drowning except the person who is drowning, you know then that they're in too deep to save. But one person doesn't stop from trying. Summary will change later on.
1. Chapter 1

**Drowning in her tears**

* * *

Her eyes were open but there was nothing to be seen in her room. She rolled over to her nightstand and tugged on her light exposing her room.

The room that brought a smile to her face had been destroyed; different colors splattered the walls. The unique collectors Broadway poster laid in the dumpster along with other belonging of the girl. Her clothes that she took pride in were put in the trash too. Her perfect white bed has scratches and blood stains alongside of it.

Rolling off of her bed, she lands on her carpet. Her sheets fall around her as she rips open her drawls and spills out the materials inside. When all of her belonging were on the floor she dug through the pile and spotted what she was looking for.

A smile formed on her lips without recognition. The cap of the bottle was on the floor and the contents were emptied into her hand. Popping a couple pills in her mouth she swallows her "happy pills" and chugs the rest of her old water on her dresser. The sheets pooled around her body as she fell against her bed. She closed her eyes tightly and steadied her fast beating heart rate. The next day would be her first day of school, as a senior and the girl was a not a tad bit excited at all.

When she woke up from the floor the sun was shining in the opposite window, the wrong window. Moaning when she lifted her body from the floor she made her way to her bathroom. The mirror was her enemy, she hated it. A couple weeks ago she punched it making the mirror shatter but the pieces were still in place. Her hand was her reminder of what she did; the color of her hand was black with a mixture of other colors and scabs lined her knuckles. After splashing her face with the cold water from her faucet she turned right around and fell back to bed. As she did so her clock read 1:00 pm, she cussed and dozed back to bed.

When she woke again the sun was completely gone and the moon replaced it. Rachel sighed as she got up from her bed; she took the sheet from the floor and covered her cold body. It wasn't until another couple hours until she finally got her ass out of her bed. Stripping her clothes in her room she steps into her bathroom and turns on the shower. Steam starts to raise from behind the shower curtain and Rachel steps into the awaiting shower.

By the time she steps out of the bathroom she wasted away an hour and a half. Stepping to her closet Rachel starts to go through her clothes lying in the corner of the closet. Picking out a suitable outfit that described her was done, now she looked at herself in the small mirror behind her door. Nodding as an approval of her outfit she stumbles downstairs. She passes the candles that line her stairs and walks to the kitchen. Her cabinets don't contain much but cereal and cereal. Rachel pours herself a bowl and eats her meal.

The sun becomes notable so Rachel steps out of her shell that she calls her house. When she exits her house her hair becomes cold then her whole body. As Rachel continues walking she sees cars pass that head to the high school. Then the SUV that Kurt got from his father pulls into the parking lot. The Glee kids pile out and hang around the vehicle as Rachel continues to the school building. The warm heat from the school gives Rachel a chill. She passes the teenagers in the hallway and goes right to the auditourm. The warning bell rings and Rachel stays put in the chairs that Face stage.

Rachel reaches down to into her pocket and pulls out a sleeping pill and swallows it down. By the time the next bell rings she is out.

The sound of furniture wakes Rachel from her sleep. The lights of the stage grow brighter shinning down on the people surrounding the stage. She pulls herself up and watches the group from the back rows of the seats.

"Where do you suppose Rachel is?" someone says.

"I have no idea, but it's nice not to have a diva constantly up your ass about glee club." Another person says.

"Nice? It's freaking vacation!" the voice is definitely Santana's.

"I don't know, but I am going over to her house afterschool to make sure she's alive," Kurt says with Blaine by his side.

"Have you heard from her Finn?"

"No." he responds simply.

Rachel rolls her eyes at all of them and grabs her jacket as she stumbles out of the theater. Walking though the empty hallway she exits the building and heads to the football field, there was still one more class left then after that Rachel was booking it out of there. Heading to couch that was placed under the bleacher; Rachel turned the corner and bumped into someone.

"Rachel?" the soft spoken voice asked.

"Quinn?" Rachel grumbled back.

"What are you doing here?" behind the blond, now pink, head, was three other girls with cigarettes in her hands.

"I came to take a nap." Rachel pushed by Quinn and plopped down on the beaten up couch.

The tall brunette stepped up, "Oh no you don't! This place is for cool people, not losers who don't want to go to class."

Rachel rolls over and says, "Says the person who's holding their cigarette wrong." Rachel challenges her and swipes the cigarette from her. The other girl who was wearing jeans coughed when she inhaled the smoke. "You got to be kidding me?" Rachel asks as she blows out the smoke from her mouth. "You're all a bunch of posers!" she says to them all and raises an eyebrow to Quinn who looks to the field where the cheerleaders filtered onto.

Rachel cranes her neck to see two cheerleaders walking to the fence that blocked that side from under the bleachers. Rachel grunts and closes her eyes.

"Q!" the Latina yells out.

Quinn walks over to the cheerleader.

"What are you doing here Santana?"

Brittney looks at Quinn from head to toe with a confused look. "Quinn are you a lesbian?" Brittney asks.

Quinn sends Bitt and bitter look that Santana notices. "No, Britt, I'm not a lesbian."

Rachel bits her lip as she tries to contain her laugh. But soon the laughter enters the air and the cheerleaders look to see the missing Jewish girl.

"Berry!" Santana turns and places and hand on her hip. "What the hell?"

Rachel lazily gets off the couch and stands. "Can't a person get any sleep around here?" Rachel pulls up her jacket and strides to the exit.

"It's a school, you can't sleep." The black one says.

Rachel looks over her shoulder at the three now sitting on the couch. "Oh my god." Rachel mumbles as she walks away from them all.

* * *

**I know that there are tons of these broken Rachel stories out there but oh well. **

**This chapter is just to get a feeling of how Rachel's attitude is. tell me how it is.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Drowning in her tears**

* * *

The couple walked up to the porch of the two story house, each looking at each other before knocking on the door. They both didn't know what to expect from the owner of the beautiful house. They both waited a couple minutes; they also knew that the girl was home because the lights were all on.

"Rachel we know you're home!" the more girly boy says. "Please let us in," he begs.

Nothing.

"C'mon, Kurt." His boyfriend tugged on his arm and gave him a sympathetic look.

Kurt sucks on his teeth as he glances to the door before taking a step off the porch. "Coming Blaine."

Suddenly the door swings open with Rachel standing in the middle with darks bags under her eyes.

"Rachel!" Kurt spins around and steps back up the steps with Blaine on his trail.

Rachel smiles but there's no happiness in the expression she gives him. "Hey guys," she coughs out.

Kurt grabs the sides of Rachel's face and rubs the side of her cheeks. "Oh my Gucci! You need a facial right now." Kurt looks over his shoulders to Blaine who stares at Rachel. "Don't you think Blaine?" He insists.

Blaine looks away from Rachel to his boyfriend, "Oh, yeah," he nods.

"I'm fine," Rachel mumbles and pushes Kurt's hands away from her face.

"Why don't you come over to my place and we'll have a facial together and catch up?" he suggests. "I'm already stressed from school, I really need one." Kurt grabs Rachel's hands and waits for her answer. "Hey, we'll even invite Cedes and Tina!"

Rachel slips away from Kurt and steps back into her house. "Sorry Kurt but I don't feel like seeing Mercedes or Tina right now-

"Well it'll just be the two of us, not even Blaine." Kurt shakes and pushes Blaine away.

Rachel leans on her doorway weighing the option. "Okay then Kurt." Then she slams the door in their faces.

Blaine jerks back a little, taken back from the noise.

"I guess we'll just wait out here, then," Kurt yells trying to shout loud enough for Rachel to hear him.

"Kurt," Blaine whispers to Kurt. "She doesn't look good," Blaine says quietly.

Kurt nods with glossy eyes to his boyfriend, "I know, but I didn't want to bust out in tears in front of her screaming what's wrong with her. That's why I invited her over."

The door swings open and Rachel walks out of the dark house. With a bag at her side and a jacket over her body. "Ready," she zips up the large jacket and steps down from her porch.

"Okay," Kurt says in his happy voice and tugs on Blaine's arm.

"Where's your father's?" Blaine asks while they walk to his car.

"They both got new jobs, a job that requires them to be on trips a lot," she says annoyed.

"Let's go." Kurt changes the subject and gets into the car.

* * *

"So," Kurt says as he mixes the natural facial mix in a bowl. "I didn't see you at school these past days." He begins to smoother the mix on his face in his mirror.

"I had to miss Monday but I saw you today." Rachel flips through one of Kurt's many fashion magazines. The magazine has nothing that interests Rachel enough for her to read it.

"Really?" he asks turning in his seat to look at Rachel.

"Yup." She pops the p and throws the magazine on the floor and falls down on his bed. Her head towards the door and her feet in the direction of Kurt.

"I di-

The sound of feet comes up the hallway and then it stops by Kurt's door, finally knocking on the door.

"Come in!" Kurt yells out.

Rachel places her hands over her ears and closes her eyes ignoring Kurt's screaming. When Rachel opens her eyes she sees Finn standing over her staring down at her. She stares back at him without blinking.

"Hi." Is all he says to her.

"Hey." She talks barley over a whisper.

"Glee missed you today," Finn smiles his crooked smile at her. He was trying to be nice and not trying to lead her to believe he was flirting with her.

She rolls over onto her stomach, "Yeah right," she mutters into Kurt's pillows.

"It wasn't right without you there-

"I'm pretty sure Santana said it was a vacation without me there, while someone else said it was better if I wasn't up your asses."

No one speaks for a couple of minutes, confirming Rachel's thoughts. Finn and Kurt look at each other with wide eyes, they both didn't know that the she heard them all talking in the auditourm.

"What's wrong with her?" Finn mouths to his step-brother.

Kurt shakes her head, "I don't know." He mouths back.

"Finn leave us to our facial masks, its Rachel's turn for her's" Kurt stands from his mirror and shoos Finn out of his room.

"I'll find out what's wrong, Finn." Kurt hushes quickly to his brother before closing the door behind him.

"But Kurt-

Kurt spins around to Rachel. "So let's but up your hair then we'll spread the mask on."

* * *

The smell of honey and the sweet tangy smell of mango tingles Rachel's nostril as she lies on Kurt's bed. Her fists are clenched at her sides and her eyebrows are scrunched up in a mad emotion.

"Rach, honey relax. This is the whole point of the facial is to detox." Kurt rubs Rachel's shoulders trying to sooth her to relax.

"Kurt I'm going to use the your bathroom." She gets up from the bed and walks to his bathroom and grabs her back pack on the way into the restroom.

The door closes and Rachel locks the lock and stands behind the door. Taking baby steps Rachel walks to the mirror and stares into it. She sees a small girl a yellowish guck smeared on her face. Her eyes droop and the smell of the mango irritates Rachel's nose. She swallows thickly and looks to the ground where her bag was dropped. Squatting she digs through het bag looking for her sleeping pills. When she finds them she pops the cap open but she breaks her nail off and the top of her finger starts to bleed.

She doesn't know what to do; every time she starts bleeding she rubs it off on the nearest material. She opens the medicine cabinet and looks for a band aid. She rips the package open and places it over her blood. Before she closes the door something grabs her eyes.

"Did something happen to your dad?" Rachel asks as she reads the medication information on the bottle.

"No, why?"

"His medication bottle was out so I picked it up," Rachel lies.

"Oh! That, it's for his back," Kurt says not thinking much as he files his nails down.

"Hmmm," Rachel whispers as she holds the sleeping pill in one hand and the bottle of the strong medication in the other. She unscrews Burt's pills and pops two out in her hand then places it back where it belongs. She bends her head down to the sink and swallows two pills all together.

A couple minute goes by and Rachel hasn't come out of the bathroom. "Rachel are you all right in there?" Kurt knocks lightly on the door.

Rachel sits on the toilet with her hands in her head. The medication kicked in and it shocked Rachel, she took a seat. "Yeah, Kurt, just had a bad lunch." She walks to the door and opens it up.

The door opens and Kurt watches Rachel walk out of the bathroom. "How about that shoulder rub?" she asks smoothly.

"Yeah sure," Kurt leads her to the bed and lays her down as she closes her eyes with a satisfied smirk on her lips.

Within another couple minutes Rachel is out.

* * *

When she awakes she rolls over and sees that her own pillows and sheets. Lifting her limp body off her bed she slowly makes her way down her stairs. The candles that were melting onto her stairs were rearranged and the wax was cleaned up. Surprised she carries on going down her stairs at the end she can see the lights on and movement.

After stepping off the last step she enters the living room. Then a head and body pops up from behind the couch holding trash in his hands.

"You do know it may be fine at the moment leaving your trash around is like bad for you ora," Noah says.

Rachel looks around making sure she's not dreaming. "What are you doing here, Noah?"

"Well that's good," he sighs out with relif.

"What?" she hunches over looking at Puck.

"You still call me Noah."

"Why wouldn't I? Puck's a ridiculous name." she says bewildered. "Wait, why are you here? And wasn't I at Kurt's?"

"Burt had a senator thing to do, or whatever. Kurt and Finn had to go with them, they'll be back tomorrow morning." Puck jumps over the couch and sits.

"Okay, but why are you here? How did I get home?"

Puck stands and walks down the hall to the laundry room with Rachel in the tow. "Finn called me and asked if I could take you home. I didn't have anything better to do so I did it," Puck walks into the room with the washer and drier.

"Oh," Rachel says.

"Yeah," Puck nods. "Hey do you think I can wash my shirt and pants, so, I'll have something clean to wear tomorrow." He asks.

Rachel looks at Puck and looks at the front door. "Why can't you just go home?"

Puck is already shaking his head before Rachel finishes. "No, no, no, no, Kurt gave me detailed orders and I am ordered to stay the night and not leave."

"Kurt? Why?"

He shrugs and removes his shirt from his body and slips off his pants and throws it into the wash. When he turns at Rachel she's glaring at him. "Kurt also said that I have to sleep with you."

Rachel backs away from Puck and is about to yell when Puck interrupts.

"Not like that, just in the same room, not even in the same bed."

"I don't understand why you are even staying with me?"

"I just am so let's go," he pulls Rachel along and up the stairs to her room.

Rachel walks into her room and turns to Puck, "the guest bedroom is right over there." Rachel points to the room clear across the house.

"No you don't." Puck pushes himself into the room and settles on her bed.

Rachel grumbles. "At least put a shirt on Noah."

"I don't have one," he shrugs and falls against her bed and gets under the covers and sighs. "I forgot how soft your bed is." Noah smiles over to Rachel.

Rachel grunts and slips into her bed next to Noah. "If you touch me I will bite! And that means whatever I feel first."

"Okay, calm down Rachel." Puck turns and listens to Rachel cursing to herself.

"Night Rachel."

"Night Puckerman," she grunts and pulls her blanket away from him.

* * *

**I'm going camping today so I wouldn't be able to upload this, this weekend so here it is now :)**

**Thanks for the reviews and follows :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Drowning in her Tears**

* * *

The morning came too fast for Noah. He sure didn't want to go to school he'd rather stay in Berry's bed and be lazy for the rest of the day. What was confusing for Puck was the fact that it was 7:30 am, only 30 minutes until school started and Rachel wasn't even budging. And he didn't put up a fight about going to school so he just switched shoulders and let his eyes fall back.

When he woke again, his phone read 11:00 am, he groaned and rolled over. He didn't feel a body against him so he looked up from his position to see Rachel walking out of her bathroom. A towel secured around her wet body. Puck peeked through the pillows and sheets as he watched Rachel. She took her hair out of her towel and let her hair cascade down her back. Then suddenly the white towel that was around her fell to the floor as she slipped on her white underwear then her red bra. Walking around the bed Rachel went to her closet, beside the bed. Noah pretended to rollover to the other side but he just wanted to watch Rachel.

"You know, it's not good manners to stare at someone," she says in a raspy voice.

"What's wrong with your voice?" Puck asks as he sighs from being caught.

She shrugs her shoulders. "Woke up like this, may be laryngitis. The doctor said due to my previous case it can possibly come back."

"Glee is going to be saddened by that." Puck lifts his body up from the bed and leans against the bed pole.

"Why do people keep trying to make me believe that Glee actually likes me?" Rachel looks down, pretending to mess with something. "Mercedes, Tina, Santana, and Brittany would probably prance around in the choir room once they know that I'm quitting-

"You're quitting?" Puck jumps from the bed to behind Rachel.

Rachel turns and faces Puck. "Yes," she breathes out. "Glee doesn't need me, if anything it may even succeed without me."

"Succeed?"

"There won't be any drama- I mean most of the drama was caused because of me. The pregnancy, I mean if I hadn't been pinning over Finn the situation probably would have played out differently and perhaps better. Or the whole Jesse thing, if I wasn't trying to make Finn jealous maybe I would have stayed away from him and Glee may have won. Maybe we could have made it to the top ten during Nationals if I didn't scare Sunshine away, we may have even won. Or, or this all could have been different if I wasn't a jealous, insecure, afraid bitch! I could have a happy life one where I trust my boyfriend when I have one! And where people actually like who I am and my personality!" Rachel screams. She falls to the ground with her hands cupped around her face.

Puck falls next to her, unsure what to do. He picks her up and places her into his lap. "Shh," he whispers to her and awkwardly pats her trembling shoulders.

Rachel lets her brick wall crumble and her emotions flow out, right in front of Puck. She lets him sit next to her with his arms trying to give her comfort. She doesn't care that they are both in their underwear she just needs someone to hold her for a while.

The two of them stay like that for a while but Puck sees the sun setting and he realizes that schools over. Lumbering up from the floor, Puck sets Rachel on her mattress and lays the sheets over her body. Puck stands over her and watches closely at Rachel before turning away. The mirror on her dresser reminds him that he is only in his boxers. He takes the stairs step by step and rounds the corner to the laundry room. His clothes are in the washer so he starts the drier with his clothes and heads back upstairs to Rachel.

Halfway up the stairway Puck hears a knock at the door. Without thinking he hurries down the rest of the way and swings the door open.

Finn and Kurt stand outside on the porch with awkward faces. "Uh," Finn starts.

"My clothes are in the drier, right now." Puck shifts uncomfortably in the doorway. "Er, do you want to come in?" He ask them.

"No, no." Kurt answers. "Well yes, if Rachel doesn't mind-

"She's asleep right now," Puck interrupts him with his answer.

"Oh." Kurt looks over to Finn who shrugs his shoulders. "If you don't mind we'd like to come in, the airs starting to get chilly now." Kurt rises his shoulders in his jacket and walks through the doorway once Puck steps back.

"You and Rachel didn't, you know?" Finn asks once inside the house.

"Huh?" Puck scrunches up in confusion. "Oh! No, I had nothing to sleep in, that's why I'm washing my clothes right now," Puck says to Finn.

Finn nods in understandable and walks over to the couch and takes a seat. "Why weren't you two at school today?" he asks another question again.

Puck simply shrugs and walks to the kitchen for a drink. "Woke up late," he merely says.

Kurt sits on the recliner and crosses his legs in a very lady manner. "So you guys just decided to ditch school because you woke up too late?"

Puck reenters the living room with a glass of water in his hands and stands over the couch. "Well, there was other stuff that happened too. But that's Rachel's business, not stuff I should be babbling on about," Puck says the last part to himself but the two heard clearly.

"So," Kurt speaks out. "You can see the change too?" he says in a low tone.

Puck grunts a sigh as he sits on the arm of the couch. "Yeah," he blows out and tips the rest of the water into his mouth. "She seemed fine to me until the middle of the night."

"What happened in the middle of the night?" Finn asks.

"Well when she thought I was asleep she flicked on the lights and popped in a couple sleeping pills and another kind of pill," Puck answers to the floor and looks up to the two boys.

"They're just sleeping pills, though?" Finn questions Puck and Kurt. "They're not hurting her right? Or anything?"

Puck makes a face of mixed emotions to Finn. "She's addicted to them, she takes them when she feels pain; taking the pills probably blocks the pain for her, or something." Puck shrugs to them both.

Kurt replies with a nod. "I think she took some when she went into the bathroom before I started her facial. Once she came out of the bathroom she drifted off in a deep sleep," Kurt says with a hint of surprise, like he's just realizing it.

"Well?" Finn speaks after the silence is too much for him to bear. "What should we do?" he asks again after no one makes an offer.

"We'll confront her, me and you." Kurt steps up as he points to Finn and himself. "Puck you just sit this one out and as a last resort you'll talk to her."

"And if that doesn't work?" Puck asks the unwanted question.

"We'll figure it out when we cross the bridge." Kurt swallows and follows Finn to the door. "Please try to distract her from the pills, and make sure she arrives at school tomorrow!" Kurt whispers harshly at Puck.

"Yeah, yeah." Puck waves them off as he closes the door after the brothers.

"Hey!" Finn stops the door with his foot. "This won't help but, Shelby's back and is teaching at McKinley; she started today." Finn catches Puck's eyes and sees that this isn't going to help Rachel nor Puckerman. "Just so you both don't freak when you see her in the halls," Finn tells Puck in a hushed tone. "She hardly goes down the 400 hall," Finn says helpfully.

Puck nods his head in acknowledgment. "Thanks man." Then shuts the door when Finn tucks his head out of the door way. He blows out air from his mouth as he leans against the door.

By the time Puck slips back into bed with Rachel the clock blinks 8:55 pm. Yawning from all the troubles he props himself against Rachel's pillow and lets his eyelids rest.

* * *

"Wake up Puckerman." Puck feels somebody shake him from his sleep.

"Go away!" he pushes the hand away from him and rolls on his side.

"We're going to be late for class," Rachel whispers in Puck's ear as she slides off her bed.

Memory of last night enter his brain and remembers that he has to get Rachel to school today. "What time is it?" he asks from under the sheets.

The sound of a brush running through hair is heard. "7:30," she simply says at the other end of the room.

He groans and rolls off the bed and onto the floor rubbing his head. Noah hears Rachel walk into the bathroom and messes with her medicine cabinet and the familiar sound of pills wake Puck up. He jumps to his feet and swipes the bottle away from Rachel's hands. "What's this?" he questions as he reads the tittle. Excedrin: Head ache relief. Kurt gave Puck the easy job of watching Rachel today.

"I have a headache!" she yells at him and shoves him back as she takes the bottle back from him.

Puck watches Rachel take the pill and swallow the pill with the help of water. He realizes that both of them are still in their underwear. "Hey, do you think I can use your shower?" Puck asks as he looks at Rachel.

She plainly waves him off, giving him the okay. Rachel walks out of the bathroom and turns around to face Puck. "Yeah, there's no door," she motions to the doorway.

Puck twists to see that she's right. There is no door, a doorway.

"The door got ruined." is all she gives Puck as an explanation.

"It's okay. I'll just use the one in the hall-

"You do realize that you're in the "hall way one"?" Rachel questions him.

Puck looks at the decor in the room and sees the same shower curtain and all. "Oh."

Rachel nods to the other door on the other side of the wall. "That's the hallway entrance."

"I always thought that your door was a closet."

"Well it's not." Rachel walks into her bedroom and to her closet. "You can get in. I'm just going to get dressed and do downs stairs. You'll have your privacy." She shouts from her room.

"Okay than." Puck debates whether to take a shower or to watch Rachel and follow Kurt's instructions to watch for pills.

"Are you going to get in or not?"

"Yeah." The decision is made and the water turns on.

* * *

Puck turns the handle to the side and the water stops, and he grabs a towel that Rachel left on the side of the tub and quickly dried himself and wrapped the towel around my waist. When he hops out of the tub Puck remembers that my clothes are down stairs. So he hurries down the stairs with one hand on the railing and the other on the towel. Turning around the corner he hits into something. Rachel.

"Jeez Puckerman, watch where you're going!" she says to him. Rachel dismisses the fact that he's wet and continues on her way.

"I forgot my clothes in the drier." He tries to say but Rachel doesn't give him an ounce of care. Puck .walks past Rachel and down the laundry room hall. He takes the clothes out and slips them on briskly and is ready with his clean clothes on. "Hey?" Puck calls to Rachel who's about to run up the stairs. "Ready to go?"

Her left leg is motionless in the air while the other is firmly planted on the ground. "Uh." Rachel looks up to the top of the stairs quickly and looks back to Puck. "Sure," she answers and walks to her bag on the couch. Swinging it over her body she leads the way to the driveway.

Both arrive to there classes on time which relieves Noah because it means he's done his part for Kurt's plan. With his duty done he separates from Rachel and heads to his own class. He falls asleep in his morning classes, forgetting all about Rachel.

Lunch arrives, the time when Kurt was going to talk to Rachel. Puck lazily cuts the lunch line and grabs a tray from the lunch lady. He turns to the full lunch room and sees the Glee club sitting in the far right corner by the doors. The noises of the teenagers get louder as Puck walks through the crowd to the Glee table. His try drops on the table next to where Artie is eating his lunch.

"Hey Abrams." Puck nods to him and munches on his fries.

Artie nods back in acknowledgment. "Late night?" he asks.

Puck shrugs back. He didn't do anything special yesterday except sleep about all day and yet he's still sleepy. "Where's Quinn?" Puck asks as he observes the Glee table and sees a blond girl missing. No one answers so he just rests his head on the table pushing his food to the side of his problems.

"Yo Puckerman!" he hears a male voice call him out. Mike Chang shakes Puck awake and walks out the lunch room door. "Lunch is over man," Mike yells to Puck.

Puck picks his body up from table, forgetting about his tray full of food. "Have you seen Rachel?" Puck runs to catch up with Mike.

"Uh," Mike glances at Puck as he walks to his locker. "When you were asleep Kurt and Finn tried talking to her."

"And? Did it work?"

"Did what work?" Mike questions Puck as he grabs his history book from behind his football gear. Puck doesn't answer. "She went crazy, like bat shit crazy. You should have seen her." Mike chuckles under his breath. "Kurt said that he was going to talk to her about Glee Club but it seemed like whatever he said offended her."

"He probably did. Shit!" Puck swears out in the empty hallway.

"Kurt probably offended Rachel?"

"Yeah." Puck looks at the floor concentrating, thinking. "Look," Puck flicks hi eyes up at Mike. "Don't tell anyone but Rachel's been going through a rough patch-

"Like Bullshit stuff or like Fucked up stuff?" Mike rises an eyebrow waiting for the answer that will drag Mike into this mess.

"Fucked up stuff." Puck pats Mike's shoulders quickly and walks past him. "Where did she go?"

"She stormed out of the cafeteria. Look Puckerman, whatever Kurt said didn't match what Finn said-

"Huh?" Puck stops in his tracks to listen to Mike.

"After Kurt said what he said, Finn tried to talk to her but she got pissed off and punched him-

"What! Why didn't anyone wake me up!?" Puck turns and runs down the hall.

Mike hits the locker door and turns around to the other end of the hall. "Shit." he curses once he realizes that he's part of whatever it is whether he likes it or not.

* * *

**Thanks for the reviews and alerts. Much love **


	4. Chapter 4

**Drowning in her tears **

* * *

Puck barges into the Berry household and runs up the staircase. The house is dark and suddenly messy then when it was in the morning. Puck stops at Rachel's door, his hand hovering over the doorknob. Music escapes Rachel's room, letting Puck catch the escaped music.

It's nothing special to his ears. A piano is loudly heard and the riffs of a guitar mesh to make bleak but impressive sound. The door swings open and hits the wall. The room is dreary and hazy with smoke filtering through out the room.

"What the fuck?" Puck coughs out. He stumbles through the thick smoke to where he assumes Rachel is. There is a outline of a body sitting under the covered up windows, by the far wall.

"Puck," she manages to get out.

"Berry what the hell are you doing?" Puck hunches down to the petite girl.

She croaks out a laugh. "Does anyone?" Her voice cracks and she starts to laugh again.

Puck presses his eyebrows together at her. "What did you take Rachel?" He cautiously slaps Rachel on the cheek with his hands. "What did you take?" he repeats.

"What did you take?" Rachel imitates Puck's voice and laughs at herself.

Puck stays in the same position. "Damn it, Rachel." He grabs the side of Rachel and picks her up from the floor. She doesn't have any clothing on and with the terrible lighting he doesn't know if she has her underwear on. Carrying her in his arms, Puck flips on the bathroom lights.

The two squint from the sudden light when Puck's eyes adjust to the light he see's that Rachel is completely naked. He brushes off the fact that he has a naked girl in his arms and sets his mind on putting her in the tub. Puck rips the shower curtain off the railing and places Rachel in the tub.

She falls back on the tub and her limbs rest on the cold pearly white tub. She moans and groans at the chill the tub gives her body. "Noah, please stop."

"Hold on Rach." Puck pulls up the knob and the turns the handle and water starts to fall on Rachel.

She screams out in shock, kicking her out of her peaceful mood. "Noah!" she yells out but the water running down her face makes it hard for her to talk or breathe.

"what did you take?"

"Pills!"

"How much?"

"a couple."

Puck stops the water and picks Rachel up from the tub. Her skin is cold and goosebumps start to rise on her skin. "C'mon," he mumbles to her. Puck sits on the edge of the tub and places Rachel on his lap as he dries off Rachel.

Rachel lets her head fall against Noah's chest. Her wet hair covers her face and her dark makeup sliding down her cheeks. "I'm sorry Noah," Rachel gasps out.

"It's okay now Rach." Puck wraps a new towel around Rachel's body and hoists her up into his arms. Placing her on her bed he starts to slip a t-shirt over her head.

Rachel's body is weak so it's easy for Puck to put the t-shirt on her. Her eyes rise and fall as Puck continues to put together Rachel. When her head rests against her pillow her eyelids are closed and is asleep thanks to the pill she took.

Puck uses the towel and rubs off the makeup from her face and sits against the bed frame. After staring at the wall for an hour he reaches in his pocket and grabs his phone. He dials Kurt's number and waits for his voice.

"Hel-

"It's Rachel."

"I'll be over in a bit," Kurt responds and then hangs up.

Puck lets his phone drop to the floor of the room and drops his head against the bed.

Not for another hour or so the door opens and Kurt appears at the door with Tina and Mercedes at his side. Puck jumps to his feet and pushes them all out the door. "What are they doing here?" Puck asks Kurt harshly.

"They were with me when you called and they want to help."

Puck snorts. "Yeah, sure."

"It's true!" Mercedes talks. "Rachel's our friend no matter what and she needs us right now."

"Mike told me she wasn't doing too well-

"I'm going to kill that fucker," Puck says under his breath.

"Puck what happened?" Kurt asks Puck.

"Well I arrived and she was sitting in all this smoke with music blazing out of the speakers. She took some," he changed his voice so that only Kurt heard him, "pills, different ones then the sleeping pills. I put her in the shower then she fell asleep." He didn't mention that she was naked or that he dressed her.

"Okay then." Kurt nods. He sighs and lets his head fall down as he thinks about something.

Mercedes phone rings and she answers it. "I have to go. I personally think that this is just the regular Rachel Berry act." She turns and walks down the stairs.

Puck shakes his head at Mercedes as he scowls at Kurt for taking her here. "What about you Tina? You going to walk away too?" Puck snaps.

"Puck, I don't think there's anything we can do. She didn't respond good when I tried talking to her and she sure didn't take well to what Finn had to say, we'll just have to let this run it's course. I tried her dad's and they didn't pick up the whole twenty times I called them." Kurt tells Puck. "I tried everything I could. I tried confrontation, talking, she won't go to the auditorium for a musical number either." Kurt shakes his head at all the dead ideas he had. "I mean it's just Rachel, what's she going to do?"

Puck stares at Kurt. "You should leave, I'll take it from here." he turns from Kurt and closes the door in Kurt and Tina's face.

Puck sighs out and drags his hands down his face. Then he sighs again once he realizes his body hasn't been home in three days. He wonders what his mother and sister would think if he told them about Rachel. He grabs the phone again and presses the two button that is the speed dial of his home phone. The phone rings and rings until it goes to the answering machine. "What are the two of them doing?" he thinks. Finally someone picks up the phone.

"Hello." the person on the other side says

"Sarah, I ne-

"Noah?" she asks with frenzy.

"I need to talk to mom." Puck watches Rachel sleep as he waits for his mother to come to the phone.

"Noah?" his mother says with as much surprise as his sister said.

"Yeah, Hi mom." Puck ignores his mothers questioning and starts to say what he called for. "Look I've been at Rachel's for the past couple of days-

"Rachel's?" she says with more shock.

"Yes, she's been having a bit of a hard time since her dad's got a new job-

"Does she need a place to stay-

"No Ma. She just needs someone to," Puck glances back at Rachel who just passed out due to sleeping pills and who knows what else. "She just needs someone to talk to." He sighs loudly and runs his hand over his head while his mother questions every fucking question she can think of.

* * *

It's quiet in the room, quiet enough for her to hear a ringing noise. She can tell that it's night by the way her body feels. During nights she feels uplifted that she can do anything but that soon goes away because of the sun that rises everyday. But the feeling is different now, the feeling of someone watching her. Rachel opens one eye and sees the person.

Noah sits next to her on the bed, back to her. The tiny light that comes from the candle on the night stand outlines his figure. She can see that he has no shirt on. She can see his muscles clearly that held her while she cried.

She decides to speak.

"Why are you here?" Her voice is raspy and she really needs to clear her throat but she ignores it all.

He turns his head towards her. Rachel stays still and moves the hair out of her face.

"Because you need me," he says it as a statement as if it's written down as a fact and it scares Rachel how real he says it.

"No," Rachel retorts.

"Yes," Noah replies back as though he was speaking to a child. Rachel doesn't respond so Puck leans over to grab a object that Rachel can't see. "Here." a cup is suspended over Rachel's head.

She grabs it from him and holds it awkwardly in her hands. "Thanks," she murmurs. Rachel takes a sip from the mug and realizes it's tea, cold and it just happened to be her favorite. "Jas-

"Jasmine," Puck finishes. "I remembered that it was your favorite tea."

Rachel licks her lips and bites her bottom lip at Puck's comment. "Why are you taking care of me?"

"Because no one else will."

* * *

The morning has come a knocking and Puck has managed to get a very irritable and yawning Rachel out of bed. He has to practically drag her out bed and give her a bath.

He watches her as she puts on her shoes. He notices that she has Mitch-match socks that has holes in them and he thinks that the old Rachel Berry would have never even liked the sight of that. He notes the way that she doesn't tie her shoes and if she can't fix her hair right she gives up. And he especially realizes the way she doesn't go past her bedroom. She doesn't even walk a foot from her father's bedrooms.

"Rachel where's your dad's?" He asks as they enter the his truck.

"They got a new job and have been busy with it," she grumbles back to him bothered. "Now can we go? I can't wait for this day to leave."

Puck nods a yes and starts the engine of his truck and off they go. They don't speak as they drive to school, not that it's a long time, Rachel happened to live a minute or so away. When Puck pulls into the parking lot of the school he sees Mike standing in the spot that he always parks.

"Shit," Puck thinks to himself.

Rachel doesn't even notice the Asian guys leaning on the truck as she gets out. She zips up her coat and ducks under her hood as she turns to face the school.

"So, you ready for Senior year?" Mike Chang asks Rachel.

Rachel looks up at Mike and blinks once. "Another school year means another lonely year." Rachel blinks again at Mike and walks past him to the side walk.

"Hey I'll catch up with you later, alright?" Puck motions Rachel to go on with out him. Rachel rolls her eyes at him and keeps walking to the front of the school. Puck widens his eyes at Mike and lifts his arms up at him. "What the fuck man?"

Mike flinches and crouches down as Puck hits him behind his head. "What? I'm just trying to help out, lift her spirits. You know?" Mike picks up his bag on the ground and catches up with Puck.

"You've got to talk to her you can't just all be nice and positive with her." Puck keeps walking up the steps of McKinley and finds Rachel in the crowd. "I'll se you later Chang." Puck waves him off when he reaches Rachel.

"Hey, going to be alright for the rest of the day with out me?" Puck jokes.

"I'm not a helpless kid." Rachel rolls her eyes at him once again and slams her locker shut, startling Puck.

"Hey Rachel!" Finn pats Rachel on the pack and stands across from her holding his bag. "Going to class?"

Puck sees the tiny bruise that Rachel made on Finn's face. He thinks why would the tall dork come talking to Rachel who just punched him the day before.

"I don't know if I'm emotionally ready." Rachel smiles to Finn while Puck gives him a glare.

"Yeah, okay." Finn gives them both a puzzled look and goes on down the hall.

"I'll see you at lunch, no running off school grounds," Puck warns Rachel. He nods to her and walks down the hall to his class.

Rachel snorts as the bell rings. "Noah Puckerman giving me school advise?" Rachel snickers and walks past her first class and to the auditorium. "Please." The big room is cold from the air conditioner. She walks to the stage that is not lighted and lays her head on the wooden floor. She breathes out loud and looks at all the lights on the ceiling.

"I told you not to ditch." she hears someone say.

"You told me not to run off school grounds," she hits the stage, "Still on school grounds." His boots squeak against the floor and she feels him lay down next to her.

They both lay in the silence for what seems like hours but really it's only seconds. Rachel's fine with silence but when she starts to shiver she knows the moments gone. She hears him get up and takes off his jacket and lay it down on her.

"Rachel?"

"Hmm?" Rachel manages to get out.

"Are you falling asleep?" Puck asks and rises from the floor again. "Did do you more?" Puck questions.

"Huh?" Rachel whispers quietly. She knows exactly what he's asking her but she's frightened to tell him the truth.

"Rach!" Puck pulls her up onto her lap and removes the coat from her body. By the time he gets her into the light she's asleep.

"Fuck." Puck picks her up again, bridal style and makes a dash to the exit and to his truck.


	5. Chapter 5

**Drowning In Her Tears **

* * *

Rachel is in his arms. Hoods over her head and his jacket is wrapped around her body as he slightly jogs down the hallway. It's empty and Puck can hear his boots clunk against the floor. He's only a couple yards away from the exit, just a couple more steps and Rachel will be safe in her own home, but then he hears someone walking, someone with heels.

Shelby Coran turns the corner and stops short when she sees Noah wide eyed and holding someone in his arms. "Puck" she says alarmed. "I, uh, didn't expect to see you here."

Puck grimaces at her. "I attend this school and you're a substitute for this school. How could you not run into me?" He sneers.

Shelby stands in front of him painfully, unsure what to say. "Why are you carrying a young woman in your arms?" she asks.

Puck repositions Rachel in his arms and backs up from her. "Because I felt like it," Puck says bitterly. He then goes around Shelby and continues to the exit. "Oh yeah," Puck stops when he opens the door. "Thanks for asking how you're daughter is." Puck knows that she knows he didn't mean Beth. The school door slams shut behind him.

After laying Rachel down on the seat he runs to the drivers side of the truck and slips in. He peels out of the parking lot but not too fast for Rachel to roll off the seat. In half a minute he's at Rachel's house and he parks the truck in the garage this time and takes Rachel through the door. He emerges in the kitchen and takes the stairs up to Rachel's room.

Puck stops outside of Rachel's bedroom. From her room the light shines out into the hall and down the stairs. Her father's door is tightly shut and no light is to enter that side of the hallway. Curiously, Puck takes Rachel to the darker part of the hall and stands outside of Rachel's parents' room. Using his right hand he opens up the door and peers in. All the windows are covered up so only a small amount of light enters the room. Puck uses his other hand and flips the light switch on.

It's a typical bedroom. There's a large bed in the middle of the room, the one with poles at the sides; Puck guesses it's a canopy bed. The room has soft white lush carpets that would be amazing to fall asleep in. Puck steps inside the room and places Rachel on the big bed. The bed cover is a cream color with white pillow cases. He lays back and feels something crinkle. Removing the piece of paper from under him Puck looks at the white material in his hands. It reads:

_Dearest Rachel,_

_The house is paid off._

_Go to school, be good. _

_November 21, 2009 _

"November?" Puck reads the note that barely has ten words, over. It is September of 2011. It was nearly a two years ago when the note was written. Puck turns his head to the nightstand and sees the dust it has collected. He notices all the dust on everything, even the bed. He drops the note on the nightstand and walks to the doorway of the room. He looks at Rachel as he pauses for a moment before leaving.

* * *

Her throat is dry. Her body is cold. Her eyes are watery. And she feels alone. Rachel looks around in the room and sees that the walls aren't white that the bed is too big that the room doesn't smell of her own. Carefully she gets up from the bed and takes in the room. It's her parents' room. The room she hasn't been in since November. She catches a glimpse of something white on the nightstand. It's the note. Reading it fully though she feels the hot tears around her eyes. The note in her hand tears into small pieces that fall to the floor. Then she throws the light that sits on the nightstand across the room. It bounces of the wall and breaks onto the floor.

Anger bubbles up inside of her and Rachel reaches for the blankets on the bed and whirls it around her and drops it on the carpet. She pulls the drawls of the bed stand out and empties them out on the floor. A scissor catches her eyes; taking it in her hand she cuts the pillows up. The expensive pillows bleed out white feathers all over the room.

Leaping off the bed she stops in front of the closet. Painstakingly, Rachel opens up the closet door. She hits the lights in the walk in closet and falls to the ground. The closet is bare and white except for the hangers hanging on the racks. She covers her mouth afraid for someone to hear here as she cries out. Her fears are true. They had left her. The hot tears that were in her eyes fall down her cheeks in a hurry. She's truly alone now. Her Fathers' had left her. Her mother had left her. Finn and Kurt left her. Now Noah left her.

Rachel reached out her quivering hand to the scissor that fell beside her. It sparkles in the light as she holds it out in front of her. She feels in control, she has the upper advantage if someone were to come in at the moment. The cold metal glides against her wrist as more tears continue to fall from her face.

"Rachel!"

She looks up at the doorway and sees Noah standing there with a duffel bag over his shoulder. He drops the bag and runs over to Rachel. She's propped up against the closet doorway with her legs and arms spread out around her.

"They abandoned me," she mumbles out.

"Huh?" Puck picks her droopy body and takes her to the bed that has feathers sprinkled on it.

"My parents, they left me." Rachel's make-up is smeared down her face.

"Rachel, they've been gone since 2009, it's 2011."

"I know- it's just I thought they'd be back." Rachel removes her jacket from her body and throws it on the floor. She has suddenly become hot. More tears run off her cheek and fall off her face.

"C'mon, we're going to the police station, this has to be child neglect of something." Puck grabs Rachel's hand and lifts it up as he stands.

"No."

"No? What do you mean no? You're parents abandoned you-

"But they're still my parents," Rachel rushes out quickly. "Can we just stay here for a little bit and lay?" Rachel speaks out as a child, quietly and afraid of Puck's answer.

Noah's face softens and nods to Rachel. He wraps his arms around her body and lays back in the bed. Rachel's body matches Puck's as she calms her breathing. Every now and then she'll whimper because of the crying she did.

"Why did you leave?" she asks suddenly.

"To visit my ma and sister and grab some clothes. I'm staying here with you until you don't need me"

Rachel's breath gets caught in her throat as she listens to what Puck has to say. "What if I'll always need you?"

"Then," he pauses, "I'll always be here with you, but you won't need me forever."

Rachel doesn't respond to what he says she just lets it set in.

"Can I ask you question?" Puck speaks again.

"No, but I have a feeling you're going to ask me anyway." Rachel moves around in Puck's arms as she waits for Puck's question.

He chuckles at Rachel's response. "Why do you take the pills?" He feels her stiffen in his arms.

Rachel blows out air from her mouth. "Pain, simply," Rachel says. "I hate the thing that happens while you're trying to sleep, every mistake you've ever made, every word that that wish you've never said, every moment that has made you cry rushes through your head so fast and all you can do is cringe and wish you've never did it. Then you start to think about the future and that terrifies me to no words. So, I take the pills to block that part out while I sleep. Simple"

"Don't look back and grieve about the past, it's gone. Don't be troubled by the future it has not come yet," Puck rises Rachel and looks into her eyes. "Live in the present make it beautiful so it's worth remembering," he tells Rachel.

Rachel can sense her eyes watering up again but she tries all she can not to cry. So all Rachel does is nod to Puck. She can't tell him that she can not do that, that she just can't, she can not tell him.

"Thank you, Noah." Rachel shifts herself towards Puck's body and nuzzles her face between his shoulders and neck.

* * *

He's wakened from his sleep when a loud banging sound travels from downstairs. Puck grabs his shirt from the floor and slips it on quickly. He glances at Rachel as he exits the room, she's spread across the bed, unaware of the noise coming from downstairs.

Swinging the door wide open Puck readys his fist for an unwanted intruder. Instead stand Kurt and Finn stand on the porch with wide eyes.

"Shit," Puck cusses and drops his fists. "What the fuck are you two doing here?" He questions with a tired glare.

"Where is she?" Kurt breaks through Puck and walks into the house with Finn on his tail. "Where is Rachel?" Kurt screeches.

"Whoa!" Puck says. "What's going on?"

"Rachel, that's who!" Kurt continues on yelling.

Puck waves his arms at Kurt, telling him to quiet down. "Quiet will you! She's asleep!"

"No, she's probably high on my father's medication! That she stole!" Kurt turns to the stairway and shout up.

"What?" Puck blows. "She's been with me all day!"

"No, when I invited her over to my house and gave her a facial! She took my dad's medication!" As Kurt finishes shouting over Puck and Finn's protests he runs up the stairs and walks right into Rachel sleeping.

"Where is it?" Kurt screams at Rachel who's just process what has happened.

She crawls off the bed and stands from the side of the bed. "Kurt, I didn't take your father's pills!" she says back with as much anger as he does.

"Well you're the only drug addict I've let into my house!" Kurt snubs.

There's a flash of hurt in Rachel's eyes but she cover's it up swiftly. "Kurt- Finn! You know that I wouldn't take from your family!" She adjusts her eyes to Finn as she speaks.

"It has to be here somewhere!" Kurt begins to hunt through all of Rachel's belongings, through out her clothes across the floor.

"Kurt! Kurt!" Puck yells out. "Kurt that is enough, I think you should leave!" Puck tells Kurt sternly, pointing to the door.

He raises an eyebrow at Puck and focuses at Rachel. "What? You a slut now too? Sleeping with Puckerman?" He gives her a hateful look before backing away from the two. "Can't believe I was your friend," Kurt spits out. Then he directs his attention to Puck. "When you find the pills, which you will, return them."

Finn stands motionless by the doorway with a look of discomfort. He glances past Rachel and locks eyes with Puck as he follows his brother out the door.

Puck sighs out as he hears the front door slam shut. Afraid to look at Rachel, Puck walks to the door and closes it. He turns eventually and watches Rachel.

She stands unfazed of what just happened. Finally she blinks once and stares up at Puck. Not knowing what to say she shakes her head before dropping herself on the bed.

* * *

**Thanks for the feedback :)**

**I am sure that the next chapter will have the Rachel and Shelby confontation.**

**So do you think Rachel took Burt's medication?**


	6. Chapter 6

**Drowning in Her Tears**

* * *

All eyes are on her. Well just the Glee clubs' eyes are on her. They give her a knowing look, they all know that Kurt has accused her of stealing. All believe Kurt because he's their friend. Rachel can't show that she's suffering inside she has to give them all glare, so she does. Rachel walks past them and sends a scowl as she walks to the school with Puck by her side.

"Ignore them," Puck tells Rachel.

"I'm not bothered by them," Rachel lies. She zips up her jacket and walks the other direction from Puck.

"Uh, No." He reaches out and grabs her by the arm. "With what happened last time I am not letting you go wonder around by yourself."

"What?" Rachel arches her back. "So what are you going to do? Follow me around-

"Yup, switched all my classes to yours. So say hello to your new Chemistry partner." He smiles at Rachel and drags her to class.

When the two enter the class room everyone who's seated stops to look up. Finn and Quinn sit in the middle at their own table.

"Looks like Queen bitch is back," Rachel mumbles as she focuses on Quinn.

Quinn's pink hair is no where to be seen except her blonde highlighted hair. Her Cheerio's uniform is comfortably perfect on her body again. "Hi," she says in her same mellow tone.

Rachel gives her the cold-shoulder and brushes past her and Finn. She takes the the last table at the end of the room with the crappy tools.

Puck follows Rachel's steps and pasts Quinn and Finn.

Quinn stops Puck and reaches up to grab Puck by the wrist lightly. "Noah, I need to talk to you," she practically sings out to him.

Puck whips his hand away from Quinn and gives her a puzzled look. "What?"

"Just meet me tonight."

Puck removed himself from Quinn and took the seat next to Rachel. "Yup same crazy bitch." Puck refers to Quinn. Rachel smiles at Puck.

"Thank you for finally joining us Miss Berry." The teacher says as he finds Rachel in the class room.

"My pleasure," Rachel says arrogantly.

"Watch your tone Rachel," he finishes and starts to mark on the chalk board.

* * *

He walks beside the Jewish girl. They both walk down the hall and look the other way as the Glee club stares them down. It's after lunch and the two have History together. Like the rest of the day they both take the seats in the back.

There's a knock at the door when the teacher starts his lesson. Irritated the teacher opens up the door, welcoming the person on the other side.

"Hello Mr. Bilgen, I need to see Noah Puckerman." It's Mrs. Pillsbury. She's wide eyed and all so Puck follows her out of the room.

"Noah, it seems that you have changed your schedule recently and there was a misunderstanding on your 4th period class. It seems that we have you enrolled in study hall not History."

"Okay, change it to world history then," He says casually and shrugs.

"I'm afraid I can't Puck, your new class is P.E-

"What?"

"Come now, I'll walk you to your next class-

"What about Mr. Bilgen?"

Ms. Pillsbury pushes Puck along as she guides him to the boys locker room. "I'll let him now."

"You don't understand Ms. Pillsbury Rachel's go-

"Rachel has enough on her plate already. Now come along now, or do I have to call Mr. Figgins?"

The bell has rung and Rachel stays planted in her seat as the students spread into the hallway. Lazily Rachel picks herself up from the desk and exits the room as the others do. Masses of students crowd the hallway all traveling to their next class. By the time Rachel brings her body to the hallway the warning bell rings and all the teenagers disappear from the halls.

The only sound in the hall is Rachel's shoes softly tapping against the floor. She passes the classrooms that have the teacher starting their lessons,their demanding voices trying to teach the naïve teenagers lesson. Rachel doesn't give much attention to the teachers, she doesn't really give a rats ass about them, but one voice pulls her to a stop. She turns and looks in a class to see a brunette writing on the chalk board. _Ms. Corcoran. _Rachel sucks in her breath as she sees her mother turn to her and pause, they lock eyes and stare.

Shelby circles back to the her class, excusing herself for a moment. "Rachel." She closes the door behind her.

"Shelby?" Rachel questions, unsure if she had just seen her mother.

"It's-it's nice to see you," Shelby breathes out with an hesitant smile.

Rachel steps back from Shelby as she processes what is happening. "When, when did you get back?"

"Two weeks before school started."

"You didn't-" Rachel stops and removes her eyes from Shelby. "How's Beth?" she changes the subject.

Shelby can't help but smile at the mention of Beth. "Good. She's good." Shelby nods her head a couple times. "I wish I could have been there when you were a baby."

Rachel bites her tongue from saying a cheeky reply. "You weren't," Rachel replies softly keeping her eyes on the white floors. "You never were and when you were, you left. And then you adopted Beth."

"I didn't know what to do when I was with you. I did-

"I'm not having this talk now," Rachel forbids it and backs away from her mother.

"Rachel, don't! Please!"

She hears the pleads of Shelby as she runs down the hall. The silent tears start to gather in her eyes but she forces them down. Taking shelter in the bathroom stall Rachel sits on the toilet, hands on her knees. Then the door is hit open and feet are heard walking in.

"Can you believe Mercedes and Santana? Switching to Shelby's Glee club?"

"Now we're really screwed without Rachel," Tina replies.

"And Mr. Schue wants us to welcome them with a friendly competition?" Quinn declares out. "Well our number starts at 4 and the trouble tones are going to go after us."

"Better get out those stupid costumes I made," Tina sighs as she turns on the faucet.

"I'll see you later Tina." Quinn leaves the restroom.

Rachel looks down at the to white pills on the palm of her hand. She plays with them in her hand, rolling them around as she thinks of what to do. Finally after Tina leaves Rachel pops them into her mouth and swallows them.

* * *

The New Directions clear off the stage one by one as the trouble tones make their way to the stage in their pretty dresses. Rachel closes her eyes at the dresses from the seat in the back. They began their performance with the flashy flickering lights in the background as Santana and Mercedes take the lead while the other girls harmonize in the background.

Rachel has to be honest she quite liked the number and clapped for them as they bowed for the audience. Rachel smirks as she stands from her chair and makes her way to the stage. It feels good to have the stage under her feet with the one spotlight on you.

"Mr. Schue, I'd like to sing a song," Rachel speaks into the microphone.

All the members look at the stage, shocked by her presence. She can't see anyone due to the lighting but she hears Mr. Schue start to talk.

"All right Rachel." he says leery. "Go ahead."

The lights start to get brighter and she can sense her body getting hotter. She doesn't know if that's from the lights or from the pills she popped. As the music begins she starts to breath faster then she can handle.

**I'm miss autonomy, miss nowhere**  
**I'm at the bottom of me**  
**Miss androgyny, miss don't care**  
**What I've done to me**

**I am misused, like I wanted to**  
**Be not your slave**  
**Misguided, high-minded, I'm missin the train.**

The music slows. Rachel takes the break to clear her dry throat and calm her heart rate. The light doesn't seem so bright anymore but her body is hot. Before starting to sing she takes off her jacket revealing her tank top under.

**And I don't know where I've been**  
**And I don't know what I'm into**  
**And I don't know what I've done to me**

**And as I watch you disappear into the ground**  
**My one mistake was that I never let you down**

Rachel slides her eyes toward Finn and Kurt as she sang the last verse with a smirk on her lips

**So I'll waste my time, and I'll burn my mind  
On miss nothing, miss everything**

**I'm miss fortune, miss so soon**  
**I'm like a bottle of pain**  
**Miss matter you had her**  
**now shes going away**

She can feel her throat start to turn raw as she continues singing. She hadn't warmed up nor was her voice prepared to sing. The back door of the auditorium opens and Puck enters. Rachel can see that he has a confused look on his face as he travels down the isle to the center.

**I'm miss used, miss cunt-strewed  
****I don't need to be saved  
Miss slighted, high-minded  
I'm stuck in the rain**

**And I don't know where I am**  
**And I don't know what I'm into**  
**And I don't know what I've done to me**

**And as I watch you disappear into the ground**  
**My one mistake was that I couldn't let you down**  
**So I'll waste my time, and I'll burn my mind**  
**On miss nothing, miss everything, miss everything**

**And as I watch you disappear into my head**  
**Well, there's a man who's telling me I might be dead**

Her eyes somehow find Puck's when she sings the last part. But soon her eyes move along.

**So I'll waste my time, and I'll burn my mind  
So I'll waste my time, and I'll burn my mind  
On Miss Nothing, Miss Everything!**

At the last note Rachel kicks over the microphone stand on the account of adrenaline pumping through her veins as she flees the auditorium with Puck on her heels. Her heart is thumping in her ears but her ears are ringing which adds more tension. She doesn't know why but her eyes began to collect water and her breath is shortening while she speeds down the hallway. Her back hits the wall and her eyes roll back.

"Rachel!" Puck's voice breaks her out of her head.

She stares up at him with burnt out eyes. "Noah, I don't know what's happening!" Slowly her body slides down the wall and lands on the ground.

"What did you take?" he immediately asks.

"Pain killers. Two." Rachel breathes out as she grabs her stomach. "Noah-"

Reacting, Puck picks up Rachel and puts her over a trashcan as she starts to throw up. "Shit."

There's a scene already. The glee club has paraded out into the hallway gasping at the sight of Rachel. Mike makes his way to the two and helps Rachel stand.

"Help me take her to my truck." Mike nods at Puck as he helps her stand and drag her to the exit.

* * *

**I decided to update today because of how much feedback I got for chapter 5. I guess reviews do make people right faster! **

**Chapter 7 is going to have a very disturbed-damaged Rachel; she starts to break. **

**Now since this story is going to be wraping up I'm going to start another story. I have three stories I'm working on. The first is a horror story to tie in with Halloween. The other is an AU story with the glee members in bands and the glamorous lifestyle they live, highs and lows. And the last is another AU with some of the Glee members in rehab. All will have a Puckleberry romance. Tell me which one you would like me write :) PM me and leave your answer in a review or vote on my profile. **

**What do you all think about Rachel's breakdown?**


	7. Chapter 7

**Drowning In Her Tears**

* * *

Her eyes rise and fall unconsciously as she rolls against Puck. He tries madly to keep her from moving around but her body won't correspond with him. She has become aroused in her own sweat, draining her body of strength.

"Fuckin' Rachel!" Puck strikes the steering wheel, increasing his anger. Puck peels out of the school parking lot leaving the Glee Club thriving with curiosity. He doesn't care at the moment but it's going to take a toll on both Rachel and Puck.

In a matter of seconds Rachel's in Puck's arms as he carries her up the stairs. He places her on the bed and starts to search through her pockets. Empty. Growing frustrated, Puck turns and looks around the room. The nightstand comes into view catching his attention. He remembered the first night he stayed with Rachel she woke up and popped a couple pills from her nightstand. He wraps his fingers around the handle of the drawer and pulls it open. He assumes the drawer will be keeping some of the mysterious pills Rachel has stashed away, only for her eyes to see. The drawer has a box of sleeping pills that has been swallowed up by Rachel meaning empty. He continues to investigate Rachel's drawers, looking for the missing piece of the puzzle.

Where would Rachel put something so valuable at? Puck spins around to Rachel's dresser that holds up a jewelry box, the one that her fathers gave to her before their abandonment. The box is glass with black edges that hold it together. Her fathers leave for almost two years and this is what they give her? Puck thinks it's a piece of junk but that is just his opinion. If the drugs are in the box then Rachel must think there is some value in it. Puck opens the top and separates the multiple parts it has and at the bottom of the box is what he's looking for. Pills of all size, shape, and color mix in a clear bag.

"Gotcha you bastards," Puck says to the pills. He glances behind him at Rachel before stuffing it into his pants pockets.

* * *

Again she wakes due to the pills she hides from everyone. She's lost count of the times she has wakened because of the colorful pills she took the nights prior. She removes her hair from her face and sees that she's in her room with the sheets and blankets over her.

The house is quiet, too quiet for her liking. Getting up from her bed she stumbles over to her dresser to her box. It's the only thing she feels that she has of her parents, they had left and this is what she has to remember them by. Rachel lifts one piece at a time and feels her self anticipate to see her bag of pills.

"It's not there."

Rachel turns, startled of the sudden voice. Puck stands by the doorway of her room, hands stuffed in his pockets with a tired look. Rachel twists back to the box, lifting the last part of the jewelry box and sees nothing, except black velvet lining. Her energy is sucked away when her eyes confirm that there is no drugs in the box. Anger starts to grow inside Rachel, replacing the sadness she just had.

"Where is it?" She asks calmly.

He snorts. "And why would I tell you?" He questions her, removing his hands out of his pockets.

"Puck! Where are they?" Rachel says through her greeted teeth.

"I'm not telling you," Puck shakes his head closing the space between Rachel and him.

"Where are my pills!" She screams knocking her jewelry box off her dresser. It falls shattering around her and Puck.

Puck painfully looks down shaking his head, refusing to tell her anything.

"Where are they!" she yells again as tears began to fall. "Please Noah where are they?" Rachel hunches over and pulls at her hair weeping. "Please!" she begs up to him. "I just-Please," she whispers.

"They're in the bathroom," Puck mutters out.

Rachel starts to breath out loud and scrambles to her feet. Too worried about her pills, she staggers over the broken glass with her exposed feet. She is so worried over the thought of not having her pills that she doesn't feel or realize her feet is bleeding. Her heart stops when she sees the clear bag with pills inside. Reaching for the bag Puck starts to talk.

"No." He steps over the broken glass, broken at what he is witnessing. "Rachel do you even realize what you're doing to yourself?" Puck says. "Your feet is bleeding!" he says sternly, pointing out her gushed feet.

"Puck you don't understand-

"Rachel you're stronger then this!" he swipes the bag away from her and holds it in front of her. "You're weak right now!"

"No! Stop-

"Are you weak?" He says with anger towards her. "Rachel!"

"Puck-No!" she closes her eyes shut and burrows herself in her arms. "Stop!"

"You're weak!" he argues on.

"I need this Puck!" She shout at him, pushing him back. "I need those!" she motions to the bag. "I need them!" Tears fall freely down her face. "Every single moment I've spent with you Puck I've been on those! I've been high!" she screams to him. Rachel wacks the bag out of Puck's hands, scattering the pills onto the floor. "I don't know how not to live without them!" She breathes out in Puck's face. "I need them!"

Puck stands against the wall as Rachel continues to cry out. Swallowing thickly he raises his hand and slaps her across the cheek. Her head is turned with her hand protecting the stinging skin, she shifts to Puck with a stunned expression.

"Do it again," she says.

Puck scrunches his eyebrows, confused. "No."

"Do it again!" she yells out. "Do it again!"

"No!"

"I want to feel something! I'm not afraid. Do it again!" She begins to break down right in front of Puck. Her knees give out and she falls against Puck. "Go." she murmurs against his chest.

"Huh?" Puck removes his head from her body to make sure he heard her right.

"Go!" she says louder and with more force. "Leave! I don't know what's wrong with me!" She picks herself up and limps into her room, leaving a trail of blood behind her.

Puck follows Rachel into the room trying to find the right word to use with her. He finds her at her bed staring out her window. He continues and sits on the other side of Rachel. He stays quiet for a minute before working up enough courage to speak.

"I know you Rach, I know that your lonely," he stops to look at her. She's tired and most of all broken and that hurts Puck so much he can't explain. He is living at her house taking care of her. He doesn't know when but he started to feel something for this girl next to him, the girl that is broken. All Puck knows is that he's never felt this way so it must be deep emotions. "I think you need someone to want you," he tells her.

She turns from her window with her glossy eyes. "There is no one to want me," her voice cracks and Puck can hear the tears in her voice.

"Well, I do want you, so be brave and want me back."

He watches her close her eyes slowly with the big tears springing free and running down her cheeks. "Noah, I d-

And he kisses her.

* * *

**Small chap, I know. I will probably update tomarrow or Sunday. So this is the start of the relationship and in the next chapter I'll have the Glee club and Shelby invovled. I got some PM's about the stories and you all said that it didn't matter. So my choice :D **

**Thanks all for the reviews, much appreciated it really drove me to write this chap so quickly when the time came :D**


	8. Chapter 8

**Drowning in Her Tears **

* * *

"I want to see her," She said.

"No," he replies in an instant.

"Why not?" She urges. "I'm her mother!" Shelby says taking a step to the door but gets block by Puck.

Puck stands tall looking into Shelby with hard eyes. "You are not seeing her, not now. You'll just upset her more," he says honestly.

"She is on something and you are seriously telling me to leave her alone? She's my daughter!" Shelby wildly says.

"Yes you are her mother but you haven't been around to take care of her. You weren't the one holding her at nights when she cried. You weren't the one taking her home, carrying her up to her room. You weren't the one holding her hair back as she threw up her guts. You weren't the one to tell her that everything was alright when it wasn't," Puck says to Shelby.

Shelby is taken back and stands astonished looking at Puck. "Ironic really," Shelby says in a hushed tone as she walks off the porch.

Puck closes the door and turns the lock, carefully. He sighs and rubs his temple this is the first for Puck to get a bit of quiet since taking Rachel home. Glee member after glee member has come to the front door asking to see Rachel, trying to send their apologies to Rachel, all getting sent away by Puck. Only two hasn't come to see Rachel: Kurt and Finn.

Puck knows that Shelby will be back and won't stop until she gets to talk face to face with her daughter. But at the moment Puck's got bigger problems then his friends and Shelby.

Rachel's upstairs, asleep in her bed with bandages wrapped around her feet. At the moment she may be awake from Puck and Shelby's arguing. Unsure Puck tip toes back up the stairs hoping the she's still asleep.

"My mother was here, yes?" Rachel says once Puck has entered the room. She sits on her bed looking out the window, back towards Puck.

"Correct." Puck walks next to Rachel and sits next to her. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I just thought it would upset you, at the moment and you were also asleep."

"You were right, it would upset me." Rachel turns to Puck, her eyes full of tears. "Noah I have no idea what I am doing. I don't know what is wrong from right and I don't know if I can even face my mother." Rachel falls against Puck. Her tears soak Puck's shirt as he soothes her.

"Look Rach, I meant what I said a while ago. I know that you need someone right now and I am here. I just about live here now. We sleep in the same bed together, I hold you at nights. Let me take care of you, help you-

"Noah," Rachel shakes her head. "in order for me to get sober and happy I need to want it, I need to want to be sober. And I just, right now I don't want it," Rachel whimpers into her hands. "I'm so fucked up right now," Rachel states. "And I am a, a, I can't even say it. And you expect me to get sober if I can't even admit what I am?" Rachel cries out looking to Puck. "I need to want it."

"Then I am going to show you." Puck picks himself up from the bed and stands in front of Rachel. "Come on, we're going somewhere." He extends his hand to Rachel.

She looks down at his hand, tears still running down her face. Rachel breathes out loudly. Calming herself, she takes his hand pulling herself up from the bed. "Ah." she cries once she puts weight on her gashed feet. "I can't go anywhere with my fee- Noah what are you doing?" she squeaks when Puck picked her up from the floor.

Puck holds her bridal style and carries her down the stairs while Rachel starts questioning Puck. "Relax, you trust me don't you?" he asks her. She nods an an answer and he uses his elbows to swing the door open.

Kurt, Finn, and Quinn stand on the deck mouths open. "What happened to your feet?" Kurt gasps out, running to Rachel's side.

Before he can get closer to Rachel, Puck swings Rachel away from Kurt. "Sorry Hummel we're going out." Puck steps down the deck and walks to his truck in the garage. Puck opens up his truck door and places Rachel inside. "Do want to talk to Kurt?" Puck shields Rachel from the three standing a couple feet away, anxious to talk to Rachel.

Rachel finds herself shaking her head. "No," she whispers out.

"I'll take care of it." Rachel nods, telling Puck she understands.

He shuts the door of the truck, shielding Rachel from the teenagers outside conversation. "She doesn't want to walk right now."

"Puckerman look, you better not be hurting her even worse-

"Me?! You're the one who accused her of stealing your dad's medication." Puck Whispers harshly to Kurt.

"You're the one to talk! You bullied her for a year and a half, not to mention middle school!" Kurt defends himself.

"That was a long time ago, and I've grown up since then. Maybe you all should to." Puck leaves what he said to set in and walks to the drivers side of his truck and jumps in. Noah peels out of the driveway and drives down the street with Rachel.

"Where are we going?" Rachel asks as she pulls her feet to the seat of the truck.

Puck pulls onto a dirt road at the end of the town. "You'll see," Puck smirks at Rachel and keeps driving down the road.

"The overlook of Lima?" Rachel says as Puck parks the car in a lot at the top of a cliff that surrounds Lima.

"Yup." Puck pops the p and helps Rachel out of the car after giving Rachel a peck on the cheek. "Come on now." He carries her over to the edge where the long grass is beginning to die.

"I haven't been up for ages." Rachel sits in the tall grass with Puck by her side. She falls back in the grass looking up to the blue sky. "The last time I was up here was with my father's," Rachel says quietly into the quiet air.

Puck shifts closer to Rachel, taking her hand into his own. "We're going to get you clean Rachel. I am going to help you. I'm going to help you because I want to," Puck tells her hopefully.

Rachel looks up to Puck and smiles a sad smile. "These urges that my body wants just looses control. I can't control them, I can't hold them back. I've been holding them back for almost two years, Noah. And sometimes I can't help but give in and take a pill to numb the pain I've been keeping."

"I won't let it happen, Rach. I'm going to take care of you now." Puck removes a strand of hair from Rachel's face. " Me and you."

"Me and you," Rachel says to herself.

"Yes," Puck confirms to Rachel.

* * *

**Short chap. just wanted to publish this because i haven't been able to get around to for the last couple of weeks; finally got around since I'm not feeling too hot today and have been in bed most of today. My other story will be updated by this weekend, still need to send it off to my beta for that story.**

**I know some people are kind of getting annoying with Rachel because she keeps crying and whining and still poppin those pills, la de da, but it's really hard for a drug addict to get clean. I know (not that i am a drug addict). And yes Rachel is a drug addict, even though she can't admit it. **

**Reviews are my inspiration!**


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